I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
