Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
