if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize