I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
