Got a toothbrush?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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