I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
