i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize