My sheets look like a crime scene.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
