Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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