Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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