I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
