and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
