I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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