I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize