oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
