Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
