so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
sarcasm needs its own font
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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