Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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