I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
you will always have a special place in my vag
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
