im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
