just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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