Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
