I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
