guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Randomize
