I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
