I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
