I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
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So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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