she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
