What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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