She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
