I think I died a long time ago.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
