Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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