she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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