I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
