I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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