i already hear my dad disowning me
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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