Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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