That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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