Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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