Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
of course. lets lasso hookers.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
