True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
