dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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