I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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