there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
