i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
