The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Someone signed my nipple.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
