he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
