How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
