I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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