I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
