I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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