Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
