I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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