we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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