Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
In other news, I just burned my penis
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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