Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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