Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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