If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
