not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
