Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
