i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
worst night to have a conscience
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
