Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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