Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
