Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
