one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
