Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
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Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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