is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
