There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
