you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
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