I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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