we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
should my penis look like a turkey
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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