I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
