She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize