somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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