Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
