The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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