yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
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