I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
