i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize