Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(206): View more from Washington

i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.

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(+49): View more from Germany

This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.

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(408): View more from California

worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum

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(503): View more from Oregon

I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it

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(443): View more from Maryland

Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.

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(410): View more from Maryland

I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?

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(501): View more from Arkansas

Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way

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(951): View more from California

she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."

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