Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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